Terrorist Attack Cripples Commute.
Friday, January 22, 2010 at 1:43PM
(Ratatosk Daily Chitter) Asgardians face a difficult commute as the Bifrost Bridge, the only bridge linking the Norse heaven with Midgard, was closed by chief enginer Heimdahl after an act of Terrorism that destroyed the entire middle span. “I don’t mean to blow my own horn here but I have been warning about this for the last five centuries” said Heimdall “What will it take to get the political system of Asgard to get on the same page and build another bridge that has been overdue since 1066."
Resistance to long proposed Midgard Bypass Bridge has been stalled for almost a thousand years as each god vies for their own personal feature. Thor, Norse god of thunder has refused to give his stamp of approval to a new bridge unless a special giant goat pulled chariot lane was added.
Opposing Thor, Frey the fertility god has been equally determined to add a commuter cat lane for any vehicle pulled by cats or for gods who sport a giant penis not a “stubby little hammer”. Some point the finger of blame directly at Odin, the All Father himself for his insistence on the addition of light rail tracks, a bike commuter path and an eight legged horse express lane for the reason that the Midgard Bypass bridge project has ground to a halt.
Meanwhile question remain as to just what happened to cause the mid span collapse. Such destruction has never before been seen on the Bifrost. Strange, giant sized Runic graffiti located near the collapsed span translates into “!Ti Did ikoL” but police chief Tyr said while visiting the bridge that there is nothing to go on so far, but went on to state that he is betting his remaining good hand that he will catch the perpetrator of what he called the single greatest act of terrorism ever to strike the nine world.
Even Loki the Norse God of Mischief speaking by phone after he entered his tenth stint in “Evil Rehab” decried the terrorist as “Wanton, evil, foul, bastard, obviously an evil mastermind. probably a shape shifter. such a low being probably breeds with horses and giants if you ask me.” He then broke into evil maniacal laughter and shouted “Kiss It!” and hung up.
Heimdall is estimating repairs to take four full moons and cost a staggering ten percent of the Asgardians annual budget. When asked by snarled commuters what they should do until then, responded with. “you go two choices waiting and learning to climb down a giant tree.”
As a precaution Chief Tyr has elevated the Asgardian terrorist alert to “Fenrir”
