Sonnetoptics.net

In the middle of a recessionary recovery that seems to be going nowhere fast, now comes news that has rocked the economies of the world and sent stock market values plunging. Last Wednesday lawyers from Mythica delivered a notice to the governments of the earth at the UN. The contents of this “Notice” are just now being released and the news is pretty grim.

In the single largest disability claim in history the Giant Tortoise Kurma has made it clear that he is no longer able to support the world on his back. Sighting medical reports clearly showing both stress factures and signs of carpel shell syndrome, Kurma has filed a claim so large that if paid would represents 25% of all wealth ever made upon the Earth.

In a closed session of the UN security council attorneys for Kurma stated that “It cannot be easy both medically and physically to support the weight of the entire world plus four fat elephants that have done nothing to control their weight.”

In response the four pillar elephants plan to go on Oprah to talk about their weight issues. They have stated many times that “holding the world on your back looks easy but you don’t get a lot of aerobic activity. Weight issues are a constant battle.”

The UN has promised to launch a crack team of Medical experts to validate a claim this large as soon as the giant Texas sized MRI is funded and completed. A member of the Security Council speaking off the record stated, “After the last months disastrous Copenhagen meeting on climate change it is unclear how dedicated the world is to act to preserve it’s self on this issue.”

Dr. Secundis the UN’s top medical aid specialist spoke from Haiti this morning stating “Paying the claim is one thing, treating a shell this large is going to take centuries in a recovery clinic of unimaginable proportions”

Long time companion of Kurma and Japanese kaiju actor from the 60’s Gamera is planning on reuniting with his all Turtle SKA band to hold a world wide media event to raise money for this “shell enhancement procedures” This afternoon Howard Kaylan and Mark Volman, the famous Flo and Eddie of the band “The Turtles” announced that they will be onboard as well along with all four of the teenage mutant ninja turtles who have put aside their legal difference to “Speak up for the big dude, he’s the best, just turtles all the way down man.” said Donatello during an MTV interview. 

Meanwhile spokesman for the Testudines Anti-defamation League and one time child icon turned activist, Yertle, stated on the TADL web page that “When will the world see us as anything but slow and dim witted? We cannot afford to hide in our shells on this issue. You can’t just put us in shoe box, feed us lettuce and tell us to shut up anymore!"

The worldwide stock market downturn shows no sign of letting up as the status of this gigantic medical claim has been changed to pending.