Sonnetoptics.net

From the network that brought you such classic TV entertainment as 21 Jump Street, Joe Millionaire and the Adventures of Brisco County JR. now comes the greatest reality TV series of all time.  An entertainment spectacle of living goddesses from around the world competing to see…

“Who Wants to Marry a God of Death!” 

            Death goddesses will compete for the affection of, Anubis! The Egyptian god of the afterlife and newly single after ten thousand years. Each week Anubis will hand out Skulls in a showdown “skull ceremony” Leaving out one goddess who will exit the show in shame crying herself back to her dark realm to take out her frustrations on the helpless souls of the damned.

            Asked about his well-publicized fling with ISIS the Egyptian jackal headed hunk was quoted as saying “Isis? Sheeeet! She ain’t no thang!” when asked why he thought it was fare for him to be the center of so much attention he spouted “I ain’t no Hades but, I will fill the bill Ladies” at that he slowly turned around showing off his dapper attire of purple silk and zebra stripes, along with his signature gold canines and silver rhinestone encrusted dog collar. “Yo I get all da ho’s in dese pimped out clothes” he was heard to brag at the well attended Fox network announcement party

            Gathered in pursuit of this Mac Daddy of the underworld an army of goddesses from every corner and the mythic world.

First up Hel, Norse goddess of the underworld arrived in her sailing ship made from the fingernails of the dead and announces that she is  “A party hound, ready to get down” A jet setter and taker of souls who enjoys drinking the marrow from the bones of those wicked men who can’t deliver in the sack. She is also a collector of eyeballs and is rumored to have the largest collection of Barbie dolls… without heads.

Kali, the tempestuous Indian six armed death goddess who is not afraid to speak her mind and slice the throats of the offending damned. She believes she is destined for victory because she “Knows what a death god wants and with six arm she delivers.” She is known for her mastery of knives and Auto Erotic asphyxiation.

Also joining the party is IZanami-no-Mikoto from Japan, a double threat as a goddess of the both death and a goddess of creation. This stunner is the one they have to look out for. She is not above using her powers for good or evil. “I can do things no other goddess here can do” she was quoted as saying “I do what I want!”

From Ireland the sultry raven haired beauty Morrigan who has said publicly “She isn’t taking no shit and she ain’t gonna quit” She likes long walks in the park and betraying the souls of the lost. She states her shapeshifting powers will give her the edge in the end. “I can be anyone you need me to be sugar.” She said while spitting flames across the parking lot.

A late addition to the show, Loviatar the infamous bad girl of Finland that makes Parris Hilton look like a devote mother superior with a yardstick.  Her slogan “I Love! I kill!” is tattooed on he single giant breast and she is said to also posses a serine like voice that can lure any man to his doom. “I needs me a Jackal to make me bark at the moon” She said flashing an evil smile at the army of frenzied paparazzi 

Fox has also announced an entry that is not for the squeamish, the goddess Kebechet. An Egyptian in her own right and the goddess of embalming fluid. She is said to have the inside track but what is guaranteed to make the audience shudder in revulsion is the fact that she is the daughter of Anubis. “That’s how we roll Egyptian style YO!” she said in regards to the prospect of divine incest. Outrage as to this blasphemy has only been surpassed by interest as her picture has garnered over a millions hits on the shows web page before the first episode has aired.

The producer of this new reality series is none of other then Doug Manticore of Manticore productions. Other great Manticore productions included “CSI: Olympus” for CBS and the highly rated comedy “Make Time for Thor.” On HBO.  At a press conference for FOX television he was quoted as saying. “This show has everything you could want, a little mythology, a little history and more human scarifies then you can shake a blood covered femur at.”