I’m sorry to disappoint you.

I am blessed to be a bus driver, I say that now and I have always said that. 

The truth is being a bus driver means a lot to me. 

I love meeting people in Portland. I love seeing all the neighborhoods in Portland. I’m a lucky guy. 

I love my Union, ATU 757 and the awesome people there who make a difference every day, they really do. 

Writing this blog has made bus driving make sense to me and in some ways it has made the world make sense to me.  

I have had a great time. 

Now I know many people will say things like “Trimet made some deal with him”, or “Trimet told him he had to..” or any number of things. 

Those who know me and know that I don’t back down easy when I go to battle so going into the office today for the meeting as I was ready to go to the mattresses. Had they made any such draconian deal where I would have to forgo blogging to stay at Trimet, I would have fought them all the way to the court. 

Funny thing is Trimet was not the irrational monster. In fact the manager I spoke with today made some valuable points, points I’m still considering as we speak. 

So let me say this one more time 

There is no quid pro quo actual or implied in any way between me and Trimet. No “If you do this, you keep your job.” In fact my ongoing blogging never came up.  

After the meeting I arrived at some basic truths that I shall keep to myself for now. The upshot of this is the following.

I believe that everything has it’s time, a time of birth, growth and an ending. I believe that my bus blog is at an end. 

I have so enjoyed doing it, having people getting on my bus and quacking like a duck, having people come to town and meeting me. All the friends and good people I have met, all that is to the good. 

Is there anything to the bad.

Am I mad at cyclist? nope. Most cyclist helped me in my hour of need. All the cyclist I know try to do the right thing and it is an honor to share the road with them. 

Am I mad at the media? no. The media for all I hear about it was, over all, fare with me.  

Am I mad at Trimet? no. Trimet as a public entity is doing the best job it can. It’s managed by people trying to do what they can. I love working at Trimet. 

Am I mad at the Hornet the flew in my window and stung me last week.... Yes, Yes I am. I hate the Hornet and if I ever catch up to him POW! bug spray!!! Oh yes, the swelling has gone down.  

The truth is I’m not mad at anyone..

So what are my plans? Ah good question. 

I’m going to take a few months off from blogging anything. I will work on my podcast and  pursue creative works. If I do decide to blog again it will not be a focused work on Tirmet but will be a blog about the city I love, Portland and all the positive things I love about it oh and it’s history.

Again, don’t have a cow. Trimet is not making me do a thing. I don’t care what this looks like those of you who know me know that I wouldn’t put up with an ultimatum. 

I will put up with evolution, my evolution.  

It is time for me to evolve. 

I hope you all will stay with me. hang around and I will do my best to make you laugh and cry again. Please forgive me if I have wronged you in any way.  

Again love ya all.

let me say that one more time, Love ya all.  

so I end with my favorite lines form some writer of other I once heard. 

 If we shadows have offended, 

Think but this, and all is mended, 

That you have but slumber'd here

 While these visions did appear. 

And this weak and idle theme, 

No more yielding but a dream,

 Gentles, do not reprehend:

 If you pardon we will mend.

Else the Puck a liar call. 

Give me your hands, if we be friends, 

And Robin shall restore amends.

What is left to say..

Roll Easy My Friends, Always Roll Easy. 

I know, I know everyone want's to see what crazy ass thing am I going to say next.

Everyone is waiting for me to issue some strange threat or maybe blast Trimet but those of you who know my blog know that's not the way I roll. I do talk on issues but as always I say my bit and then I move on. I don't harp on things, even if that "thing" is about me.

So I just wanted to say upfront, I'm sorry if I'm Atila the Hun. 

I thought I would reprint the first blog post I wrote, There are many of you new to this blog so you may not have any idea what started it or why I would even bother. So first here is why I started.

Remember early in 2009 late 2008 we had all that snow, The rail was shut down, the roads were shut down, Portland was shut down. Picking on Trimet was the media's number one job about that time. Like most drivers I was putting in as much over time as I could do, sleeping on the floor at work, up at 4: AM to be at 10 PM sleeping under my bosses desk repeat and repeat and repeat.

Here is the problem, what I was seeing while driving was not what was being reported on by the media. What people were telling me was not the same thing you were seeing in the local paper. So I set out to make a blog about bus driving. Not to hype it or say all us operators are angels. I wanted everyone to know that we were just people trying to do the best job we could, in a hard time. 

So this in my book was my first real post. 

Unleash Your Inner Duck

AKA 3:00 am blurry eyed ramblings

Snow!

Now that is a four letter word to most commuters in the Portland Metro area know about this year. I think we will not hear anyone wish for a white Christmas for years to come after all we’ve been through. Portland with it’s mix of Pacific weather, Hills, Mountains, Winds, Rivers and the only gap in the cascade chain of mountains makes snow predicting somewhat like trying to guess how many grains of sand end up in your sleeping bag when you camp at the coast. (25499.3 by my last count)

There is one thing we the operators and users of busses can control and that’s our attitudes when the white stuff starts to fall. In extreme conditions we all have to keep in mind that no amount of planning or preparation is going to overcome instantly the problems that grow with each inch of snow and with each day the White stuff is here. The only thing we can control is our attitudes.

Here is a Formula
{people * Stress} + {cold * Hours} = Crazy 

Now the same is true for operators of the bus only the formula gets a bit larger. Because you have to add {Near Misses * Hours} + {Crazy expectations * People) + {people * Stress} + {cold * Hours}  as difficult as it is to ride the bus an hour to work, its hell to drive the bus and we have to keep doing it over and over, hour after hour.

I did learn one thing and that came when I was driving late at night in a fierce blizzard. I pulled up to a bus stop and two youths got out the rear door. I was about to shut the front door when I looked in the shelter and there was a duck on the shelter chair. He was brightly colored and had made for himself a little snow nest. He was all hunkered down out of the wind and looked fine and cozy.

The Duck looked at me and did that mumble like ducks do when they’re happy chasing crackers around the pond. It sounds like a cross between popeye and donald duck as if they have lots more to say but don't really wan't you hearing it. 

 I smile, He shuffled about all cozy and warm in the howling winds. 

I saluted him, and shut my door the people in my bus with fogged up windows could not see what I was doing and perhaps thought I was going a bit bonkers.

I drove on, but I kept thinking of that Duck. 

Quack indeed, I thought, but really he had it right quack!

That duck had figured it all out. Quack!

I need to be like that duck! I need to tap into my inner duck! That duck had it all sorted out!

This is the day of my awakening.

Since then I have become the leading master of duck-fu and it has brought me peace love and understanding in my job.

Now I’m going to do something I never wanted to do with this blog. I’m going to give you list of complaints. I’m doing this so I can show you the power of Duck-fu. I have to set the table or you will not understand its incredible power.

So imagine this

You worked a 14 hour day and you have to stay at work over night. You have to sleep on a chilly floor in your boss’s office and you wake up at 3:30am because you are starting your new day at 4 am. You wash up in the bathroom change shirts and you are good to go. Out into the blizzard to a frozen up bus and out into the city you drive.

Now imagine you are on the busiest line in Portland. Every other stop some ask you the following questions or makes the following statements.

• “Your late”
• “Where are the other busses”
• “is the max running”

Now imagine that for an entire hour, over and over and over. 

Now Imagine that all day at work, People standing near your desk asking you the same question, Now stay at work an extra half day, stay after work 6 hours never letting up, fully focused with people saying the same thing. 

Oh and lets not forget driving. Driving in the snow in a big rig is like going to work in an office except everyone in the office is running around with chainsaw spinning them over their head... all day. Its deadly, dangerous and you think they are all after you. Near misses, stupid actions, accidents and stuck cars and they are all after you.

Now keep repeating those three questions and add in the chainsaws and oh yea add in sixty people on your bus. Who each are like my Aunt who is sure she knows how to drive better then you. 

Now repeat keep this all going while you add in people in the bus being crazy like asking you for directions when you are just starting to descend an icy hill, then getting all pissy because you cant give them great customer service as you try to fight Sir Isaac Newton for control of your 40’ long 15 ton toboggan that you are threading past 5 other stuck busses.

Imagine doing that for ten hours of this but your not done.. lets add in say 5 more hours and hope you don’t get stuck.

Wait there is more you now have to dodge stuck busses, run to the restroom through two feet of snow when the bathroom is sixty yards away. Your windshield wipers are frozen and don’t work so you have to get out of the bus and bang them off every 15 minute. You are buying all your food at a 7-11 so you can image how great that is after 15 hours.

Now you are almost done. You turn your sign to “out of service” and head back to the garage. People never read the sign or if they do they believe it says. It may say out of service but what people read is  “Tri-met information bus, please come knock on my door and ask me questions making me miss my light because I have not done enough work today.”

You got it? Your feeling what I’m describing? Now times that by 4 days in a row.

Unto this wonderful working environment comes DUCK-FU.

You see in my head I’m quacking like a duck.

Its silly, to be sure.

childish and a bit stupid I know.

However it makes me laugh and stops me from getting down or grumpy.

“When is the next bus” Quack!

“Hey your late” Quack! Quack! Quack!

“Hey I heard on the radio that the Max is closed down, does that mean it’s not running” Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!

I use the duck-fu to keep my mind out of what I like to call the smart ass zone because believe me you do not have to drive the bus long to go to the smart ass zone.

Duck-fu stops all that. Rain, snow or hard wind blow the Duck has it right. Hunker down and Quack!

I can’t explain how many times that has saved me by disarming all the potential negative situations I run into. Duck-fu makes me one happy driver. People are always asking why are you so happy. Well the truth is I don’t have any negative in my day. All that’s left is the positive and a sea of quacks. Could Duck-fu be the solution to everything? Maybe it could and I believe it could. From the Middle East to the economy, all we need is a little Duck-fu. One thing is for sure it works. Try it and see.

Now if you try Duck-fu you must follow one rule. Don’t quack out loud, people will just think you are crazy and they will toss you bits of bread so keep it inside and keep smiling as you quack away. Let your inner duck make you laugh first then address the question or situation. No matter how silly or crazy a few Quacks will buy you time to rethink what you are going to say.

Well that’s it for me.

Bus driver, master of Duck-fu… yes I’m all man.

So if you are in Portland and you see a driver with a top hat… don’t say hi just Quack and smile, I will know you are with me and together we will change this quacking world.

GUILTY!  

First time I would say I pushed the envelope and perhaps maybe pushed beyond the envelope 

For this I’m on suspension from TriMet. I’m not upset about this, they have a job to do. Really I’m not mad at all. 

Most of the twitters and emails I have received may knock how I said what I said, but almost all even cyclist are understanding. 

So lets get down to facts. 

1. I would have to be the worlds greatest idiot to actually intend to kill someone and post it on a blog. Now maybe my first wife would.. no I don’t even think she would call me an idiot. Stupid maybe but not an idiot. Come on! 
2. I don’t think real death threats come with the mentioning of Star Wars and David Lynch films... Not the Dune movie I sort of like that one. As anyone heard of that? or maybe I’m the first stand up comedian idiot bus ninja driver assassin... Really no way I could be a ninja, weigh way way too much for that. 
3. Those of you who’ve read my blog will see that I seldom say inflammatory things.. other then a headline or two. That when I have had dangerous situations before I use humor and don’t blame all bicyclist the same way I would not blame all car drivers for one crazy guy or all bus drivers for one crazy guy. That’s not my way.
4. You and I know you don’t own peoples lives just because you save there lives and you can’t exercise an option on their life like a stock certificate. Hmm Well lets see I pulled you out of a well so now you’re my slave! or I’ll kill yo! does anyone really believe that? If I had it it to do over I would have done that last bit angled more towards humor but I was called into work 5 hours early so I had to rush off. That is why it ends so abruptly without my usual humorous flourish. 
5. Now my one complaint by email has been someone saying that I did this all for ratings and you know what.. I knew this was going to get some reaction, but nothing like it did. Like I said I can be stupid (A momentary lack of reason) vs and idiot (A full time lack of reason.) I think if you would look back over the last years of my blog you would see 1. Lots of bad spelling can’t really help it. 2. Lots of love. Yes love. Love for the people of my city all people if I agree with them, if they are like me or not.  

So with those points above tucked into your logic utility belt, riddle me this!

Why would I write what I did?

If I did not mean to kill him and it was not all a publicity stunt and lets face it really wanted publicity all I have do is show up nude and painted blue to a blazer game and I could have gotten all the publicity I needed and not been suspended from work. Well if you have seen me maybe my nude and painted blue maybe some would consider that a death threat.

Before I reveal the answer to that riddle “Why would Dan Write what he wrote” and by the way it’s not “A ring” for you Tolkien fans. Let me tell you what I would do if I met this guy right now. I would have lots of mixed emotions but I would hug him harder then he has ever been hugged. I would tip my top hat and show him the photo of my daughter and granddaughter inside my hat. 

I would tell him “You are as precious to someone, as my girls are to me. I want you to live a full, healthy, heroic life worthy of song and praise. just like my daughter and Granddaughter. I never want to see harm come to you. Riding a bike, just like driving a bus is a life or death proposition, you have got to respect that not for others, but because you are a precious son of someone, you are to them, as my Daughter and Granddaughter is to me. I would never willingly harm you but brother it’s so unfair for you to use me to harm you. If I had been one moment slower on the breaks, I would have never been able to drive a bus again. I could not have lived with myself. Even if you care for no one else on the road care for your self, Care for those who love you and hold you precious.” 

Will this change how I drive my bus? I got news for you, it’s didn’t. The incident in question happened a while ago to be sure. I still do all I can cyclist. I’m a driver who hops out of my seat to show you how to use the bike rack, The one who double checks his right side to make sure you are clear day or night, lights or no. I drive my bus like that person in the car next to me, or that cyclist ahead of me is my daughter or Granddaughter. What more can I do. 

I can’t be careless with someones life. I get mad and frustrated but my anger and frustration was not for what you did at that moment but that you are still out there. That you have no idea what you are doing to others.

I felt like you came up to me pulled a round out of six shout revolved. Spun the chamber and then forced me to put the gun to your head and pull the trigger. I was horrified then you continued on doing it to others. 

Brother that is a horrible feeling. It is not rage but horror when I think of you, Rage fades rage would not have lasted a month and a half. I get mad like anyone, come on we all live in the same world and we all get mad, but few things give me that horrifying feeling like you did that day. 

The above words as heartfelt as they are would have barely made a blip in Portland if I would have put them in a blog. 

So lets answer part of that riddle. 

What I wanted to do was shake the pillars of this city. I wanted someone to read my blog and say, like most people are saying. “What could make this beloved, funny, caring bus driver say what he said. I know this cyclist, I’m going to talk to him.” See I don’t know you, I don’t know your name, where you’re from or anything about you. But I did know this, I could not rest until word got to you, word of how careless and dangerous you are and how precious you are. 

You see my nightmare starts like this. I wake up one day and I see your picture on the cover of the paper. Cyclist killed, reads the headline. Your dead and I did nothing. Like all those people I listed in my blog, family, friends, other drivers, cyclist. Anyone who has looked away, turned the other cheek, chalked it up under derogatory generalization like “Stupid Cyclist” anyone who didn’t do all they could to wake you up. Those who would defend you as a fellow cyclist, those that would condemn you because you are a cyclist, all these people in my book would have killed you as I said POrtland Killed this cyclist and it would be true. You want to know something else, there would be my name at the top of the list. “Dan Christensen”  

Under it it would say

Dan could have done something, but instead he wrote another humorous blog post for the same small group of readers that had no effect, went no place.

When I said “Portland Kill this Cyclist” What I really wanted is someone in Portland reach this guy! Let him know. Help him! do what ever you can! As a bus Driver I see all sorts of people who have no choice in life, They have physical or mental limitations have made bad choices until their life is tied in knots. You have options, You have choice, Like I said you are as precious as my granddaughter and daughter and I don’t want to see you throw that way so you can get to the coffees shop a few seconds faster. 

In my book, me doing nothing, that is a crime.  

You see I may not always say the right thing, I may not always say what people want to hear and I make mistakes and can be as stupid as anyone. 

I do always strive to say the truth as I know it. I don’t want to live a life of regret saying I should have said more or done more. 

I can only hope with the exposure this gets somehow, someone gets to you.  

So this brings me to the end of follow up. 

For all of you who have expressed your support, even those of your who may not agree with my method, I say a deep and heartfelt thank you. Trimet or no, Portland is number one in my heart and I have nothing but love for all of you.

So much for keeping this under one page. 

Tons of love. 

Roll Easy.

I will let you know more when I know more and that looks like sometime on Monday. 

I will keep you posted. 

Oh and for you all who asked how I stay so upbeat and happy even though it looks like the world is crashing in around me. Check this out. 

Run: the 20-Burnside

Time: 5:30 PM until 2:10 AM

The Count

• Drunks:  7
• Cars running read lights in front of me: 2
• Number of wet nasty sneezes by a regular I call McPlague: 22
• Average number of minutes late: 2
• Numbers of times I'm asked when I'm going to leave the very second I pull into my lay over: 8
• Number of extra stops request: 5 (number made 4) 
• Number of time I thought of being on a boat: 3
• Number of time Selma Hayek was on the boat with me: 4
• Empty beer cans in back of my bus at end of run: 2
• Number of people I stopped at the door with open container of beer: 2 (50% catch rate)
• Number of people who touched me: 3

Number of people who I wanted to touch me: 0 
Number of time someone asked me about another bus run times: 2
Number of police cars with lights on: 9

Regulars Included

• Mrs. Hospital - So nice, see her ever day on the 20 for short hop to home.
• Joe Shoes - young guy with basket ball and hightops around his neck. 
• Mohawk Girl - so cute and yet so aloof from everyone.
• Kung Fu Guy - Red head irish guy in his mid twenties, dresses like in kung fu movie. 
• Unhappy Man -  "One More Freaking Day of Work!" 

Mentions In The Press: 1 -I was mentioned in Willamette Week for all the twitters I have posted. They wanted to match me up against Sam Adams the Nerdy embattled mayor of Portland. I could take him down in my sleep so take that Sam. I don't fear anyone named after a beer. Not since I knocked out Scott Papst in seventh grade. They also wrote I was a history teacher.. maybe they should have talked to me first!

Resolution: Those who are drunk can get on my bus, those who want to get drunk on my bus, are not getting on. 

 Application Of The Week: Gowalla.. and to this I say, what's the point? I'm trying to figure out how this helps me. Still not sure. but I will keep working it for the week. 

Ok so the big laugh last night on the 20 burnside bus

Guy gets on my bus and looks like a cross between Chris Farley and an Advertisement for the Irishman redhead afro.  He has been drinking, what am I saying, he's smashed. He doesn't realize he's going the wrong way, he takes forever to find and count his money. "You should be across the streets!" I say

"I got the money here," he says

"Look you want the 15 bus, catch it by mcdonalds, across the street brother" I say

"Was that a quater?" he says

This goes on and on until he over pays me and I have to stop him get him seated so I can roll. 

Two cycles of the lights go by and he it still paying as cars honk and go around me extending the single finger salute. 

"Ok buddy that's enough, here have a seat," I say

Now, after ignoring me he switches topic from money to what bus am I

"What bus are you I need to go to thurman" he says

I tell him I'm not the bus he wants but that if he crosses the street he can catch a 15 only he is now back to the money counting. 

I give him a transfer giving up on trying to convince him. 

"Hold on I'm going to be rolling" I say then add "you are on the wrong bus I'm going east."

"To Thurman?" He asks.

"No, East" I say as I roll on.

"That's great!" he says and settles in for a long ride.

Two blocks latter it sinks in. I'm driving towards the bar's not away from them.

"OH wait!" he says.

"What?" I ask.

"I don't think your the bus I want" he says looking about.

"Oh really?" I ask.

"OH I want to go on the 15 to my home." He says pulling the cord to signal a stop but now I have to cross a bridge to let him out.

"Sounds to me like you need the 15" I say. "It goes to thurman."

"You don't go to Thurman?" he asks.

"Nope," I say with a smile.

"Yeah I need a 15," he says stumbling off the bus.

Everyone on the bus roars with laughter until he crosses in front of the bus and Instead of heading back to the west up Burnside the last I see of him he's heading North.

Here is the kicker. What does he have on.. HARVARD Alumni T-shirt.

If anyone sees a sleeping HARVARD Alumni please tell him to catch the 15 and also tell him good morning from Trimet. 

Harvard what are you teaching!!!

This was funny. Right in the middle of rush hour a major part of rail service is crapped out. Good news is the bus system was there to pick up the pieces. 

I’ll be the first to admit it, I’m human.

Not some robot they have programmed to do some job. All bus Operators are human, mortal and just as fragile and flawed as anyone else on the bus. There is nothing special about putting on that blue shirt. We still bleed the same, eat, walk and in a crazy ass situation we may shout an unprofessional expletive. 

My go to expletive sounds like DUCK! But starts with an F

Some time in my youth this word was hard wired into my brain on such a deep level that when ever I’m surprised or shocked, no matter my dedication to professionalism that Duck comes right out.

Here are some choice moments.

1. See car crash right in front of me… DUCK!
2. Waking up to find the building I’m in on fire… DUCK!
3. See a compound fracture right in front of me… DUCK!
4. Stepping on a hornets nest in armor… DUCK!
5. Checking out the ruins of the Berlin Wall… DUCK!
6. The Saints with the Superbowl… DUCK!

Now I don’t walk around saying DUCK DUCK DUCK! All the time.  However it seems when times are stressed it is my go to word.

IDriving a bus in the rain is like skating with an elephant on your back and on these days you can have what I call OH DUCK! moments very easy. In the last 24 hours in Portland we have gotten a lot of rain. Now it’s warm rain, so you know right way it’s Portland’s Annual Rose Festival celebration time. In this last time I have had two OH DUCK! Moments almost 24 hours apart , Let’s compare and contrast these two DUCK! Moments.

Water has a way of reducing the stopping distance of a bus. The only way you can combat that is by driving slow. I average about 5 MPH bellow the speed limit when it rains and especially in the dark. This makes me a very slow driver, El Tortuga  is what one driver called me. I love it. 

(So far check one for avian usage for Duck.)

24 hour ago flashback

I have learned over the years to treat everything in the street as dangerous not just dangerous to me but dangerous to others. The following video is an example of  an operator who gets that same idea. Things in the street = bad.

I’m driving a bus through the wonders of SE Portland, it’s late and wet and it gives everything the look of a Blade Runner movie set. My eye catches some movement in the road ahead. It’s small maybe not much bigger then a lunch box and it seems to be moving.

I start to break falling back on my belief that everything in the road is dangerous. I can see it’s not a bag blown in the wind it has ruff edges. For a moment what it absorbs my mind, almost too much and when it start to run.. that’s right run right at me I hit the breaks and yell DUCK! Only with an F.

 Now lets slip into the bus driver time machine and go forward 24 hours.

I’m heading out of down town green light and all. Heading right towards one or Portland iconic bridges, the hawthorne bridge one more stop and I’m on my way.  From my right there is a flash of motion. The block before the bridge is very dark and someone in black moving very fast has appeared to my right. worse ye, they are on an intersecting path with me and my bus and they are running a read light.

They are on a bicycle and swerve in front of me from right to left making for the bike lane. I start breaking and not only do I shout DUCK! I give it the old auto fire DUCK! DUCK! DUCK! DUCK! The bicyclist swoops out in front of my bus, people on the bus scream. This bicyclist is now directly in front of me and I can read the tag on his pants as I rapid fire DUCKs!

Now in both situations I was able to hit the horn. “Breaking is always your first line of defense,” that’s what Pete the trainer always said to me, “honking is the second” Pete was right. Had I did those in reverse order, honked first then break I would have been on the cover of the Oregonian “BUS DRIVER MURDERS BICYCLIST”

So back in the time machine (sounds like a bad episode of Doctor Who) lets roll back 24 hours before.

It was not a DUCK! With an F or a bag blowing in the wind, it was a chicken! Someone is keeping chickens and one, will name him Oscar the chicken., got out and was running down the street in the dark at my fast approaching bus.

I hit the horn as I was slowing down and the chicken exploded in a flurry of movement that stunned me. One moment the chicken was there and the next moment the chicken was gone in a flurry of feathers. I look back at a passenger who looks at me and says “Was that a goose?”

“Chicken,” I say. “It was a chicken.” Somehow my breathing returns to normal.

(For those of you counting that’s 2 avian references) 

24 hours latter and …

I hit the horn and the bicyclist who has ran the red light and is right in front of me, Will call him Mr. Dickies Jeans lifts his hand and flips me the bird. That’s right he slows down in front of the bus he just cut off to flip me off.

(Oh by the way that’s “the Bird” POW! Third avian reference Yo! This completes my three avian trifecta for the story. Duck! Chicken and the Bird.)

“That’s right Ducking Idiot!” I say. “It’s my fault.”

It’s not that I didn’t see him approaching on the side street, it’s that I could not see him. It’s too dark, he’s dressed wrong, no lights, moving too fast, running a red light. 

Now common sense would say it would not have been my fault but as a bus driver it would have been my fault despite all the precautions I made of driving slow, starting slow across the intersection and looking both directions, covering my break. 

 Now most bicyclist I know are not this stupid. But this Mr. Dickies Jeans Was just that Ducking stupid.

Strange to think that a modern human being would be more mentally limited then a chicken. That chicken had self-preservation as job one when it heard the horn it leapt for life. Strange that a human would care less for their life then a Ducking Chicken.

I need heart pills after the last two nights.

Mr. Dickies Jeans you sleep tonight because I was driving slow enough to make up for the fact that you are more dense then a chicken. Next time your at Kentucky Fried Chicken think about that.

You all roll easy out there... Not you Mr. Dickies Jeans you don't roll at all. 

Start time 4:00 PM end time 2:30 AM

Conditions: Rain off and on Starting with light drizzle to build an ark.

 Funnest crowd: off duty dancer girls going downtown for Rose Festival. 

Now I know you have to have the rose festival when you have roses but this is the worse time of year for  a festival. POrtland is always wet and cool at least half the time durring rose festival and last night it rain buckets. The crowds going down town were very light. 

I missed the fire works but I gave everyone on the bus a lights show by blinking my cab lights and saying ohhh and ahhh over the PA. Just to get them in the spirit of rose festival season. 

More then average drunks all of the were great, just came in, sat down and got there ride on. 

there was one woman who is what I call a social terrorist. She was going to hold my entire bus hostiage with her rage. that or get a free ride. Now I have been driving a bus a while and I have run into her a few times. Last night I wasn't thinking and she got on the bus first. Had I seen here I would have made he show me money or fare before I opened the door to avoid the trouble 

Here is the game she plays.

Step 1. Get on without having fare ready. 

Step 2. Always talking on the cell phone commenting on everything going on. I beleive she is not talking to anyone because every time I see herr she's talking.. no battery last that long. I believe she wants you to back off or she will talk about you to someone. 

Step 3. She walks right past me and says I will bring you my Fare in a minutes. She then does a convincing search of her over sized hand bag.

Step 4. The goal of all this drama is to wait for the bus driver to pull away. This turns off our front lights and makes it impossible for us to read teh transfere that I know is hours passed effective. 

I know these steps so I just sit there and wait with all the lights on. At first she gets upset and mentions on her phantom phone call that "Oh the bus driver is waiting! I have the fair he is just being a jerk" NOw I was waiting for the red light too but now I know she is faking me out so I politely wait. 

Step 5. Take a extra long time to find your fair while saying you have your fair on your "Phone Call" 

Step 6 Show driver old outdated transfer from two days ago. or skip to step 7

Step 7. Complain loudly that the bus driver in an ass hole and try to raise a stink on the bus. Most bus driers don't want trouble so they move on. I sit and wait smiling. 

Step 8. If bus driver doesn't give you free ride keep repeating that youhave the money and "Are you calling me a thief"  

I wait very calm. I announce that I'm a few minutes ahead time and need to hold up. 

Step 9. Say loudly on your phone the bus number. How you have family at Trimet and you will have my job by monday.

Step 10. Pay the fee to ride. 

I sit and wait... and here comes the old transfer. I know it will be wrong and she knows I will know so she refused to unfold it or let me see it. She gives up when I put the parking break on undo my seatbelt and turn to face her. 

"I have all the time in the world" I say with a smile. 

She gives me the transfer then starts up two other stories at the same time while I try to read this crinkly mess. 

Story A; How she has the right transfer and when she finds it she will stick it up my ass.

Story B. How her boyfriend abused here and she's trying to get out of town. 

Something tells me she wont do story A and I really don'y know how she picked boy friend for story B who she has not left in a year and who magicly beats here ever day she gets on my bus with bad fare, how does he know?

She now raises an even bigger stink and tries to enroll the bus in helping her but no one is budging. She produces 2$ pays up and even continues to look for the "missing transfer" In two years she has never found it. So I drive on.

She keeps up with her story and I break out laughing. I can't help it she is working it so hard that really I would believed anyone else but her because she does this every time. I'm five minutes late but that's her trick. She hold the bus hostage

Oh but we are not done

Step 10. Antagonise the bus driver to get him or her to over react to create an incident. 

I start laughing because I'm going through all these steps in my head just before she does them. I bust out laughing because I have been here before with her and she doesn't even know.

"OH your the only one laughing at an abused woman. "she yells at me." 

I'm not biting but a passenger does. He pops in with "I'm laughing too" 

She explodes trying to make a scene with other rider and I start conversation with other rider over my PA to flood her out. She never rides long but she hops off my bus and onto another one at 39th. only tonight that other driver will not get the same story. 

Here's the kicker not only has she done this on my bus. she has done same con on a bus I was riding in and more then that... 20 other people regularly try this same con every week. After a while you get to know the regulars, These are what are called "Sand Baggers" They try to delay long enough that you will roll and not be able to look at their transfer. 

Each one secretly believes that I have never seen that trick before. That I have never seen them before. Maybe they believe that they invented the bus drive con. But really... I know the game.

Here is my counter moves.

Step 1. Be police.

Step 2. wait

If they get mad go to step 1

If they keep doing the fake out go to step 2

There will be a rematch. I know. Next time I will catch her outside my bus. She will do all that fake out and yelling before I even open my doors. 

The sad thing is I believe her. I believe she could have been abused. No not every time she tells me the story but I'm sure it's in her past. Her dressing in huge baggy clothing. hiding in a over stuff parka and with a hat pulled down over her face there are issues. 

9 times out of 10 someone comes on the bus and needs help I make them a deal. 

Those that come on play the Sand Bag game.. no deal, no love.

Well that is your slice of bus driving

Roll Easy My Friends. 

#77 trout dale 5.2 hours

#20 Burnside 8.5 hours

Best Beggar Sign

"Ninjas stole my parents, need money for Kung Fu lesson so I can get them back" 

Did I mention I drove over thirteen hours? Now that is not as bad as I have done before but let me tell you a big difference ending a 13+ hour day at three in the morning. You are beat to death. Sheesh. 

Warning: after ten hours of driving customer service goes out the window. Period! I would like to say

Cool image of the day

Here the AMR river rescue get ready for a day of training on the Sandy river. Despite the small size of the river it's freezing temps and fallen trees make it a real killer. Every year someone dies there as sure as sunshine. These are the men and woman who try to stop that. What ever they are paying them ain't enough if they are going into that water. Then again maybe they are just exploring low cost sex changes. 

You see a lot of strange things as a bus driver, things you would never catch in your normal every day life. This is one of them. 

News media type called me today to comment on a bus incident. I told him in a very polite manner that I am not the news. My blog is not the news. I will tell the truth as I see it IF I feel the truth is not being told but in no way am I trying to make headlines. I want people to see what it's like to be a bus operator. Besides when I was trying to get the medias attention they stiffed me... So up yours KGW!!!

Some of you may notice that my post have changed. From more story telling format to a much more every day format and it's true. You see with so many things going on right now its hard to put in the time on the blog and a story blog takes more time. So rather then not post. I  have decided to do what I can, when I can  and when I have more time throw a story your way. 

I'm becoming far more focused on video as well. That looks like a great next step.

Until then I will always try to make something worth your time. Bye for now 

 Roll Easy.