Bus Driver Script
Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 7:59AM I couldn't wait until Thursday to write this post, I had to do it now.
SCENE 1
NIGHT TIME: Interior Bus
Older woman stands at the bus long coat, hat grocery bag in each hand. Bus is stopped at curb with door open. She stops, not moving.
Bus Operator
(Curious)
You Ok there?
Woman
Yes
A few beats pass, she is not moving.
Bus Operator
Are you getting out here?
Woman
(Angry)
YES!
Bus Operator
Can I help you in any way.
Woman
You can lower the damn bus
Bus Operator
I already did that, that’s why the bus beeped when I opened the door.
Woman
Bullshit!
Bus Operator
Ok I’ll give it another try.
Bus river raises bus the lowers it again to the exact same spot.
Woman
(Screaming)
You see!
She is till not moving and a moment passes. Woman does not turn to look at driver just looks out the open door.
Bus Operator
Is there anything else?
Woman
(Angry)
You must be new at driving a bus
Bus Operator
(Curios)
How else can I help you?
Woman
(Angry)
Well you can extend the ramp for one thing I’m Handicapped.
Bus Operator
(Relieved)
Oh well..
Woman
(Rage Building)
You drivers are all the same, I’m calling this in you are rude
Bus Operator
Ok I’m going to…
Woman
I see your bus number 2201 I’m calling that in
Bus Operator
That’s fine I need to ask you…
Woman
You don’t need to ask me anything just put out the ramp.
Riders in the bus start laughing as the Bus Operator leans his head on his hands and elbows on the steering wheel and waits. The Woman because even more enraged by the laughing.
Woman
(Screaming)
The ramp! The Ramp! Can’t you do your job. I need the ramp
Bus Operator
I..
Woman
(Screaming)
The ramp! Are you holding me hostage.
Bus Operator
(Forceful)
Your standing on the ramp, it flips out of the floor
Woman looks down, shuffles backwards never looking at driver. Crowd in bus roars with laughter as floor section flips open to make a ramp. As the woman moves forward Bus Operator notices she is having trouble managing he grocery bags.
Bus Operator
(Polite)
Would you like some help with your grocery bags?
Woman
(Screaming)
I’m not a cripple I can manage on my own.
Roar of laughter from the crowd in the bus. Comments about being handicapped but not a cripple. Once off the bus she turns to face the driver. He has seen her before and knows this is not her stop. It’s a long walk from Glisan st. to Burnside st.
Bus Operator
(Polite)
You want back on.
The laughter in bus stops.
Woman
(Speechless)
I…I..
Devil appears on Bus Operators shoulder.
Devil
(Whispering)
Leave her ass. Put up the ramp and leave her ass
Angel appear on the other shoulder of the Bus Operator
Angel
(Whispering)
Come on now what if this was your mother.
Bus Operators hand lingers over the lift ramp button.
Devil
(Yelling)
Do it! Do It!
Angel
(Calm)
Don’t do it,
Devil
(Yelling)
Make her walk.
Angel
(Calm)
What if she can’t make it.
Woman puts her foot back on the ramp and climbs in. Then stands there next to driver without looking at him.
Devil
(Yelling)
You will regret this.
Driver
(Polite)
Uh…
Woman
(Screaming)
What!
Devil
(Sneering)
See told ya so
Driver
I need you to please step back so I can flip the ramp back up
Woman
(Screaming)
Worse driver I have seen in 77 years. I’m calling Trimet.
Driver looks to angle on his shoulder, Angel shrugs and throws up his hand
Angel
Well, looks like you’re screwed my friend
Devil and angel disappear in puff of smoke as ramp begins to flip back in the bus. Woman sits back down amid laughter on the bus.
All set to go, bus operator takes a big breath and checks mirror. Just as he signals…
Woman
( Screaming )
I WANT THE NEXT STOP!
Bus Operator
(calm)
I know, I know
Woman
( Screaming )
The last driver passed my stop up and I had to walk a block back
Slow Fade Out: as woman tells story of the last driver…..
Woman
( Screaming )
…I think he meant to do it he was as bad as you……
End:
Reader Comments (6)
I love it!!! This was an awesome post!!
Oh. My. Goodness. You guys really should get hazard pay!
Your Angel was right. Although you may get no thanks now, your goodness is noticed and will surely be rewarded one day. My Dad has Alzheimer's and I would like to think that people would help him even though he may not be able to act appropriately.
Comedy Gold Mr. Christensen also like the return of your Dan graphic
Should have listen to the devil, never trust an angel, they lie. You're a better man than I. Pure Zen Buddhist if I ever saw one.
After she got off, you should have backed the bus up, then drove onto the sidewalk and creamed her! Always listen to your devil...