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As an extra board driver for Trimet you can get any run at almost any time. Your days more often then not are twelve hours long and you often drive one to two routs in a day. If you need a regular work schedule or if you like predictability being on the extra board, maybe not for you.

Out on the street its always unpredictable from accidents to road work to crazy drivers, cars, dump trucks, lights that change without warning, crazy lights on the bus mall, skateboarders, bicycles, pets running around the streets, random potholes, you just never know what’s coming your way.

Unpredictable is the people that ride your bus. Here you will find people of all shapes and sizes. People coming on your bus represent every income level, every social class, every religion and every race. It a crazy mix of nations, languages, cultures and smells.

Of all the random crazy chaotic factors of unpredictability while bus driving by far the one that is as freighting as it is funny is drugs. Pick the drug, any drug you want. Uppers, downers, meth, pot, beer, narcotics, hallucinogenic or video games. People get on the bus stoned, stunned, blown, blasted, high, tight, tweeken, freaking, zoning and zonked.

Now this does not happen all the time but as the hours drag towards night the brain fried come out in stronger and stronger numbers and depending on the run can make anywhere form a single person on a bus to an entire bus load.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining, it comes with the job and the truth be told I would rather have the indulging on my bus then driving around or sometimes even walking around. On my bus I can get them home or at least to a street near by. As frustrating as it is to deal with sometimes, I feel like if I don’t take the extra step to get them home they will end up injured, in jail or worse.

Each drug brings it’s own delicious batch of behavior problems.

Each one leaves it’s own fingerprints on the psyche of a bus. Some buses can even take on the characteristic like running the Burnside into down town early Saturday night; it’s sort of like New Orleans at Mardi Gras. Contrast that to the last  # 20 Burnside bus through town AKA “The Vomit Comet” and it’s clear to see that people’s state of minds directly effect or sometimes in infect a bus.

Now most drugs have a range of effects but as a bus driver sometimes you don’t see the good. You only see the bad. An example would be people going out drinking and having fun while all is well they stick with it. It’s not until times get bad that they hop on the bus. Oh Joy to that bus driver.

I will now break down the drugs we see the most of and give them the BDR Score (Bus Driver Ranking) Learn these tell tale signs and you will be able choose your seats accordingly.

 Alcohol- The big A, Booze, Juice, Vitamin A

Bus Driver Ranking

Sleep/Awake – Two Pillows

Volume Control – Grandpa has the remote and he has cranked it up

Horde Multiplier-  Squared ( number of drunken square the number of problems)

Touch Factor- 25% increase

Bodily Fluids- +45%

Denial- After drinking +20%, While sneaking alcohol on bus +80%

Conversation- Like to tell you how much they love you

Drinkers are to late night bus driving as texting is to teenagers, It’s annoying and distracting but what can you do? It’s far better to have them on your bus then driving at you in a car.

I could write twenty post on alcohol but instead I will just give you some excuses people use when I catch them drinking on the bus.

“It’s Juice”

“its vitamin Water, Yeah! Vitamin V for Vodka”

“I’m not drinking”

“Shut up and drive your bus I’m not hurting you”

“What, this it’s a coke”

“I don’t have to open my jacket and show you my beer….opps”

“Can’t I just dump it…that’s what I’m doing dumping it down my throat.”

“You can’t kick me off the bus for being drunk and drinking this is America”

“What!”

I don’t mind drunks on my bus but drinking on the bus is right out. 

Also large number of drunk people are dangerous and you have to be careful. It's like walking into the lions pen as the zoo. Run from them and they attack. Too aggressive and they feel threatened and kill you anyway.

There is some justice when the bartenders get off and catch the late bus and have to ride with the people they served. That makes for some fun times. And my favorite quote of all times after a monster regurgitation.

"There you can have all that back!"... Classic

Never saw that bartender again on the #20

Cannabis- Weed, Pot, Herb, my name for it “Stupid Booster”

Bus Driver Ranking

Sleep/Awake- Six Pillows and A heavy Comforter

Volume Control- Aunt Has the Remote, Turns it way down

Hoard Multiplier- No modifiers

Touch Factors- +10%

Denial- 50% half seem happy to admit use

Wild Card- chance of them using “Man” in conversation 100%

 known as marijuana in its herbal form, is a psychoactive product of the plant Cannabis sativa. What can you say about pot that has not already been said. Pot is a bottom feeder drug and by that I mean almost anyone of any income level seems to get access to it.

I always love those life long users of pot who try to convince you that there is no

“Sckientifix proof man that pot… pot… pot. Has like, man, a negative man, effect dude. Like if anything man… hey is that a doughnut shop? Fuck yeah! I want off this bus”

Cannabis users are about as good at conversation as a blindfolded mime. Though somehow they believe that since they are stoned they are tapping into some level of deep intrinsic wisdom. This is never the case but don’t tell them that.

The only good thing about cannabis is that cannabis users always seem surprised that they can’t get organized and active enough to get it legalized. Really? Duh! You’re potheads! now that is irony. 

The nice thing is large groups of pot user have sort of a mellowing effect on one another the opposite of alcohol so it’s my favored drug abuse on my bus. Whales travel in pods, birds in flocks and large groups of Pot Smokers travel in a “Drowsy”

End of Part 1.