Sonnetoptics.net

SNOW JOB! 

(For ages 18+ who act like 3 year olds and for up to 1 million players)

That game of winter snows and commuter grief!!!

I really want to market this game I think it would be awesome but then again we play this game in Portland Oregon every time the snowfalls, right? Everyone is looking for someone to blame for the effects of the snow. Now February is the snow month for Portland so believe it or not we could still get some white, stuff so I thought I would address this problem now.

First a little shout out, This goes out to all the complainers in the Portland metro area and I’m almost sure that is half the population. To all those who call the talk shows on the radio, Call in or email TV stations, write blogs, post on twitter or facebook, post comments on web pages and flood the Oregonian. To all you self-important crybabies this is for you, you adult children are turning my once wonderful city into a Bitchtocracy. A government by and for the complainers. I would like to say to you “Stop Your Crying!” Every time a single atom of snow hits the ground these complainers start flooding all the media with their sad stories of winter woe.

Well it’s time someone takes all your complaining asses to task. It’s time someone tells you what your parents should have told you a long time ago. SHUT UP! No one wants to hear you bitch. You are the problem and Just because you can complain doesn’t’ mean what you are saying is valid. So rub both points of IQ together and listen to what I’m about to say.

After you read this, the next time it snows I don’t want to see any “Portland City Screwed up Again” or “Trimet Sucks” or “I waited a half hour for a bus”  After I’m done I will change your diaper and give you a bottle and put you back to bed. So just hang on with me.

Lets look over who normally gets the blame and then lots look over who should get the blame.

Who is blamed: Weathermen

Nothing is worse then hearing imbecilic adult complaining that the weatherman got it wrong. Duh! Portland! How is this news? Haven’t we all seen this from summer to winter before? How is this a suprises? Predicting the weather in Portland is at best a crapshoot. Sorry children the weatherman cannot be 100% accurate I hate to break that news to you but its true. Weathermen base their weather predictions on computer models based on the past. The problem is it’s not accurate all the time and

 The way people talk about weathermen I keep getting an image of a man in black, twirling his mustache while laughing an evil laugh while saying “I will tell them it won’t snow and it will hahahahahha” The only worse then trying to live with the weather predictions is trying to live without it.

Who Should Get the Blame: 

The pacific ocean: the pacific ocean is a great big chaotic nightmare that adds moisture to our sky and winds in our faces. It’s fickle and can change in hours for no reason at all.            

Mountains and Hills: We have the Cascade range to the East, the pacific coast range to the west and we are in valley in-between them. Check it out it’s true, I saw it on a map. This makes it hard to figure out what way the winds will blow and how must moisture will be trapped by the hills.           

The Gorge: This is a gap cut by the Columbia river through the cascade range. One of the only gaps of it’s kind. So when the low pressure comes in off the coast. Cold weather is sucked down the valley form the high desert east. This makes for great wind surfing but also reeks havoc in weather prediction.

Big Rivers: Each river through Portland also effects the weather. We have two major rivers the Columbia and the Willamette each have their own effect.

Jet Stream: You may not see it, but the jet stream shift back and forth across northern Oregon shunting rain north or south and changing quickly.

The Solution: If you want more accurate weather forecasting, Stop the rivers, Bulldoze down all mountains, drain the pacific ocean, fill in the gorge and build a giant wall to block the jest steam.

Complainer Realization: Really? You mean the weatherman is not 100% accurate? Wow I never knew that. Did someone tell the Easter Bunny and  Santa?

Who Is Blamed: City of Portland And ODOT

The City of Portland and the Oregon Department of transportation both work very hard when the freezing weather is on the way. Because the complainers work in some office downtown or a call center in Beaverton they may not see what goes on when the weathermen predicts ice and snow. They don’t see the trucks deploying sand and gravel setting up or deicer being sprayed on the bridges. Nope, all the preparation that goes into the game of fighting the snow is behind the scenes.

Even if we wanted too plow every road we can’t. We just don’t get enough snow in the Portland Metro area to justify having an army of plows that Chicago or New York may have. We have to make due with less.

The more snow that falls the more we have to do triage. That is a little doctors talk and you will hear about it whenever there is a disaster like in Haiti. You can’t save everyone, you have to put them in order of people you can save and people that can wait and here is the rub. Some people you can’t save. That’s triage, getting the most for you time and efforts. That’s what the plows have to do because we don’t have enough to go around.

 A year ago in the big snow I was out for long hours every day. I saw the same road crews in trucks plowing and sanding the streets. Saw them every day at all hours. Waved to them and became familiar with them because they were working like hell.

The fact is we have to make due in the snow. The heavier the snow the more we have to do triage. There are no shortcuts or magic. They are out there working hard even if you don’t see them. Even if they don’t plow your road, trust me they are out there.

Who Should Get The Blame:

Idiots: Those who go to work expecting that they are going to magically hover over the ice on the way home. Only to abandon their cars blocking traffic. You abandoned your car in the road you are to blame

4WD: Nothing instills that feeling of invincibility like 4wd. If you ended up getting in an accident because you thought it was great that you had 4wd in the snow you are the problem.

Going To Fast Guy: No matter chains or not going to fast guy leads to accident and collision guy. This slows up traffic horribly. 

Here is a link to all three above drivers 

The Solution: Spend A gazillion dollars on a fleet of snow trucks that will sit and do nothing for all year until we get one or two snow falls. Maybe take the cost of this out of the schools budgets. I would say with 500 snowplows we could about bankrupt our city. To save money we could staff them with unemployed teachers. This would make all the complainers happy but it’s not workable.

Complainer Realization: Wait Mr. bus driver what you’re saying is the city and ODOT cant fix everything at once. Wait I thought there was a magic winter wand they could wave? Wow! I never knew that, Its not all about me? Wow!

Who Gets The Blame: Trimet Gets the Blame

If you would listen to the complaints you would think that there was a magic tunnel under Rocky Butte to a Walt Disney like Bus Driver Land. Where all the drivers of Trimet hid out to play pool, sit in the hot tub and watch movies on a big screen during the snow. All the time laughing at the riders shivering at the stops.

Now I’m no suck up to the management of Trimet but I will say this. When the snows hits they are trying every trick in the book to keep us on the road running. Little things like leaving busses running at night, pointing them away from the ice and snow so they are not frozen up. Opening up work bays with pressure washers to take off the ice on windshields, countless chain crews to do repairs.

But here is the problem.

buses start rung at three fifty in the morning so do you chain them up for the possibility of snow twelve hours latter? If you do they are limited to run 25 miles an hour on chains so every bus will be late all day. Now if there is no snow what are you going to do? To get the chains off after you just spent all that over time money putting them on? What now? Send out crews to take them off? Maybe recall every bus to the garage to remove the chains?

So every morning the big heads of Trimet have to make the call. Will it be a dusting of snow and we don’t need chains or will it be heavy snow and we will. When will the snow hit and will we have to run on chains all day for no reason. How will we get all our busses chained up because it takes a while. If they chain up early and the snow doesn’t happen what then?

What it comes down too is a crapshoot. You have the weatherman giving us his best guess and the management of Trimet makes their guess on how to chain up. Chaining up every bus takes time and cost money, unchaining every bus takes time and cost money. Running with chains and no snow causes delays because a bus is limited on speed, Running on snow without chains a bus has to move slower and many of them can get stuck, Running on chains in snow means you have to go slow anyway. 

Who Should Get The Blame

Logistics: The fact that it takes time and money to chain up and take off chains for an entire fleet of buses.

Mechanical Reality: once chained a bus has to travel at 25mph. slowing up all buses and traffic snow or no snow.

Blocking: Accidents, collisions and abandoned cars cause busses to slow down or stop.

Physics and Random Chance: Every hour Trimet is in operation in the snow, buses get stuck, held up or hit so service degrades.

Solution: Make a machine that will magically stop all snow from falling. Or pass a law making it only legal to snow at predictable levels at set times. Creation of an affordable flying bus. 

Complainer Realization: Wait you mean even if every bus was chained the day it started to snow at three PM they would still be late because they are driving 25MPH? Wow I never thought of that. Wait you mean if it snows the buses will go mostly slower then 25mph? oh wow.

Who NEVER Gets the blame!

There are a few things that never seem to get the blame. While Trimet is throw chains on busses, while weathermen are trying to do their best to predict the weather in a difficult spot like Portland. While the city is doing all it can to get things right and plow as much as they can. While all this is going on lets see who is squeaking by without much blame at all. 

The Commuter: Mr. Drive too fast, 4wd god of the road, Mrs. I will float home above the ice and snow without chains And walk away from the problem driver all seem to never get the blame. I think all these people in order to get towed should have to have a bumper sticker put on their car that says “Idiot In The Snow” and have to leave it on for a year.

Geography: A friend form Indiana show up in Portland one winter day. He was shocked that with a few inches of snow the city was shutting down. He laughed and went to the store to show me how it was done. Hours later after the tow truck had pulled him out of someone’s back yard he commented. “There’s mountains here, We don’t have those” Yes hills make buses either go around, stop or get stuck same with cars.

Expectations of Commuters: can we all just agree that when it snows just like last year and the year before and the year before back to the start of time that Portland is going to be a snarled mess of frozen bridges and tied up road? How is this new? How come every year people seem to reset there expectations back to the irrational setting? I think it’s the same way the guy who abandons his car in front of my bus almost trapping me on a curb, gets in my bus and complains that I’m taking too long…. WHAT!

THIS HAPPENS EVERY YEAR!!!

So next time it snows in Portland lets do something crazy lets pretend… just pretend to be adults. Lets assume everything is going to be messed up. It if isn’t great! But lets assume no buses will run. The streets will be impassable it will be awful .

If you make it home an hour late you will feel lucky. If your bus shows up forty-five minutes late you will feel blessed. And if you go near the internet or phone to call or text a complaint hit yourself in the head with a hammer.

Stop your bitching!

Snow misery is a fact, It’s going to happen again and it will keep happening and no amount of finger pointing  or articles in the Oregonian or meetings will change it.

TOUGH!

It’s winter.

If your are upset, move back to California.

What ever you do shut up! Stop complaining and be prepared. Stop thinking that the city or Trimet or anyone has the magic weather wand that can, with a wave be prepared for winter for you. 

The politicians won’t tell you to shut up because they can’t, the media loves bitching so they will eat up your complaints with a spoon but that does not mean you are right or have a clue about what is going on or why you had to wait a half hour for a bus.

GROW UP!

There I vented... Now, everyone else, Roll Easy out there.