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            In the last three years I have seen a development, an evolution if you will, in the way people waive for the bus. This seemingly strange endeavor is on hand as common as say going to the story and in someway socially humiliating as say going to the store in the nude.

            Pointing out to people their waiving styles is seen as hostile in all but a few. The same way pointing out that someone is wearing MC. Hammer Pants or saying Nice Mullet to those sporting such a hair cut. Humans hate the obvious and they especially hat the obvious about them self.

            Waiving always has an element of panic to it. This poses a dilemma to those trying to be a cool as possible. As a bus driver you can often see the battle within the heart of the hipster who wants to catch your last bus out of town at one in the morning, but doesn’t want to seem desperate. Often they go so far as far as to forgo waiving in hopes that being seen, driver skills and interference by some strange multi-armed transit deity will insure their pick up.

            What I’m about to tell you is a result of three years of study and observation and a scientific process of notation that has lead to a cross sectional double blind results in determining waiving styles. Though the term double blind and bus driving may not seem to go together. A bit like saying 44 Magnum and the US post office I can assure you every effort was made to make this study as scientific as any Las Vegas gambling scheme.     

            I will identify waiving styles. Give their common use and their relative score on what is now called the “VonBus Scale” as in I von dat bus. These observations cut across all class, races, creeds or religions. It covers all lines you may travel though regional variations may very.

            Remember People seldom employ only one type of wave. Many will employ a wide range of waving and may even add in such additional bonus techniques as leaping in the air and ending with a hands together prayer while mouthing the word “please” All of these will increase the VonBus Scale score by at least one or two.

Quick Swipe

VonBus Score 2

This wave is accomplished by lifting the arm to the side and a single wiping motion of the hand in an arch from inside to the outside. This is followed by standing and waiting. Used by hipsters who want to seem cool despite the fact they are using public transit… go figure

Drawbacks: Due to the prosperity of the hip and cool to ware black at night the Quick Swipe or QS is a poor way to waive. Often unseen this will often lead to Bus Pass UP or Late Stop 

Windshield Wiper

VonBus Scale 3

This is a more common waive among the older crowd who like it for it low caloric output but appreciated for it’s higher rate of success then the Quick Swipe.

Drawbacks: The drawback of this waive is limited only to mild elbow strain and the occasional spilled coffee.

The Pumper

VonBus Scale 4

The advantage of a pumper can only be seen if large crowds where everyone else is blocking your view of the bus. This wave can also be modified by a quick lift at the ankles gaining an inch or two in height.

Drawback: Aside from looking silly as hell and making the bus driver laugh. No drawbacks,

The Overhead

VonBus Scale 5-7 

The VonBus Scale of this wave style can slide between five and seven based on the frequency of the waving motion. At high speed it’s a seven at low speed it’s a 5.

Will accidentally attract cab derivers that will block the bus and charge you ten dollars for what I will only charge you two dollars for.

The Nazi 

VonBus Scale 6

Though almost all are unaware of this wave type it is very common within ethnic groups and nationalities that suffered greatly from Nazi oppression. Not uncommon to see Russians and French people using this wave.

Drawback: Obvious

The Painter

 VonBus Scale 7

 The Painter starts like the Nazi but changes, as long even strokes are added. If the bus does not look like they are stopping they will often apply a second coat.

Drawbacks: Depending on the neighborhood and your ethnicity contactors in pickups may pull over and offer you work for the day being so impressed with your painting skills.

Crazy Arms 

VonBus Scale 9

This Panicked waved is often used by those who are not at an actual bus stop. Often it is employed while running or at busy intersections as they walk out in traffic trying to get on a bus.

Drawback: often times the effort used for this wave would be better placed in trying to get to stop.

Many other waves are not listed here due to ongoing study. There is the Dog Trot, The Mongolian Circular Spin and the Dutchmen’s Friend all still undergoing in-depth scrutiny.

As important as waving styles are bus riders also exercise a series of different waiting techniques. This will be discussed further in the next exciting installment.

Until Then this is Dan Christensen saying

Happy New years and don’t forget to Roll Easy My Friends.