I know, I know everyone want's to see what crazy ass thing am I going to say next.
Everyone is waiting for me to issue some strange threat or maybe blast Trimet but those of you who know my blog know that's not the way I roll. I do talk on issues but as always I say my bit and then I move on. I don't harp on things, even if that "thing" is about me.
So I just wanted to say upfront, I'm sorry if I'm Atila the Hun.
I thought I would reprint the first blog post I wrote, There are many of you new to this blog so you may not have any idea what started it or why I would even bother. So first here is why I started.
Remember early in 2009 late 2008 we had all that snow, The rail was shut down, the roads were shut down, Portland was shut down. Picking on Trimet was the media's number one job about that time. Like most drivers I was putting in as much over time as I could do, sleeping on the floor at work, up at 4: AM to be at 10 PM sleeping under my bosses desk repeat and repeat and repeat.
Here is the problem, what I was seeing while driving was not what was being reported on by the media. What people were telling me was not the same thing you were seeing in the local paper. So I set out to make a blog about bus driving. Not to hype it or say all us operators are angels. I wanted everyone to know that we were just people trying to do the best job we could, in a hard time.
So this in my book was my first real post.
Unleash Your Inner Duck
AKA 3:00 am blurry eyed ramblings
Snow!
Now that is a four letter word to most commuters in the Portland Metro area know about this year. I think we will not hear anyone wish for a white Christmas for years to come after all we’ve been through. Portland with it’s mix of Pacific weather, Hills, Mountains, Winds, Rivers and the only gap in the cascade chain of mountains makes snow predicting somewhat like trying to guess how many grains of sand end up in your sleeping bag when you camp at the coast. (25499.3 by my last count)
There is one thing we the operators and users of busses can control and that’s our attitudes when the white stuff starts to fall. In extreme conditions we all have to keep in mind that no amount of planning or preparation is going to overcome instantly the problems that grow with each inch of snow and with each day the White stuff is here. The only thing we can control is our attitudes.
Here is a Formula
{people * Stress} + {cold * Hours} = Crazy
Now the same is true for operators of the bus only the formula gets a bit larger. Because you have to add {Near Misses * Hours} + {Crazy expectations * People) + {people * Stress} + {cold * Hours} as difficult as it is to ride the bus an hour to work, its hell to drive the bus and we have to keep doing it over and over, hour after hour.
I did learn one thing and that came when I was driving late at night in a fierce blizzard. I pulled up to a bus stop and two youths got out the rear door. I was about to shut the front door when I looked in the shelter and there was a duck on the shelter chair. He was brightly colored and had made for himself a little snow nest. He was all hunkered down out of the wind and looked fine and cozy.
The Duck looked at me and did that mumble like ducks do when they’re happy chasing crackers around the pond. It sounds like a cross between popeye and donald duck as if they have lots more to say but don't really wan't you hearing it.
I smile, He shuffled about all cozy and warm in the howling winds.
I saluted him, and shut my door the people in my bus with fogged up windows could not see what I was doing and perhaps thought I was going a bit bonkers.
I drove on, but I kept thinking of that Duck.
Quack indeed, I thought, but really he had it right quack!
That duck had figured it all out. Quack!
I need to be like that duck! I need to tap into my inner duck! That duck had it all sorted out!
This is the day of my awakening.
Since then I have become the leading master of duck-fu and it has brought me peace love and understanding in my job.
Now I’m going to do something I never wanted to do with this blog. I’m going to give you list of complaints. I’m doing this so I can show you the power of Duck-fu. I have to set the table or you will not understand its incredible power.
So imagine this
You worked a 14 hour day and you have to stay at work over night. You have to sleep on a chilly floor in your boss’s office and you wake up at 3:30am because you are starting your new day at 4 am. You wash up in the bathroom change shirts and you are good to go. Out into the blizzard to a frozen up bus and out into the city you drive.
Now imagine you are on the busiest line in Portland. Every other stop some ask you the following questions or makes the following statements.
- “Your late”
- “Where are the other busses”
- “is the max running”
Now imagine that for an entire hour, over and over and over.
Now Imagine that all day at work, People standing near your desk asking you the same question, Now stay at work an extra half day, stay after work 6 hours never letting up, fully focused with people saying the same thing.
Oh and lets not forget driving. Driving in the snow in a big rig is like going to work in an office except everyone in the office is running around with chainsaw spinning them over their head... all day. Its deadly, dangerous and you think they are all after you. Near misses, stupid actions, accidents and stuck cars and they are all after you.
Now keep repeating those three questions and add in the chainsaws and oh yea add in sixty people on your bus. Who each are like my Aunt who is sure she knows how to drive better then you.
Now repeat keep this all going while you add in people in the bus being crazy like asking you for directions when you are just starting to descend an icy hill, then getting all pissy because you cant give them great customer service as you try to fight Sir Isaac Newton for control of your 40’ long 15 ton toboggan that you are threading past 5 other stuck busses.
Imagine doing that for ten hours of this but your not done.. lets add in say 5 more hours and hope you don’t get stuck.
Wait there is more you now have to dodge stuck busses, run to the restroom through two feet of snow when the bathroom is sixty yards away. Your windshield wipers are frozen and don’t work so you have to get out of the bus and bang them off every 15 minute. You are buying all your food at a 7-11 so you can image how great that is after 15 hours.
Now you are almost done. You turn your sign to “out of service” and head back to the garage. People never read the sign or if they do they believe it says. It may say out of service but what people read is “Tri-met information bus, please come knock on my door and ask me questions making me miss my light because I have not done enough work today.”
You got it? Your feeling what I’m describing? Now times that by 4 days in a row.
Unto this wonderful working environment comes DUCK-FU.
You see in my head I’m quacking like a duck.
Its silly, to be sure.
childish and a bit stupid I know.
However it makes me laugh and stops me from getting down or grumpy.
“When is the next bus” Quack!
“Hey your late” Quack! Quack! Quack!
“Hey I heard on the radio that the Max is closed down, does that mean it’s not running” Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!
I use the duck-fu to keep my mind out of what I like to call the smart ass zone because believe me you do not have to drive the bus long to go to the smart ass zone.
Duck-fu stops all that. Rain, snow or hard wind blow the Duck has it right. Hunker down and Quack!
I can’t explain how many times that has saved me by disarming all the potential negative situations I run into. Duck-fu makes me one happy driver. People are always asking why are you so happy. Well the truth is I don’t have any negative in my day. All that’s left is the positive and a sea of quacks. Could Duck-fu be the solution to everything? Maybe it could and I believe it could. From the Middle East to the economy, all we need is a little Duck-fu. One thing is for sure it works. Try it and see.
Now if you try Duck-fu you must follow one rule. Don’t quack out loud, people will just think you are crazy and they will toss you bits of bread so keep it inside and keep smiling as you quack away. Let your inner duck make you laugh first then address the question or situation. No matter how silly or crazy a few Quacks will buy you time to rethink what you are going to say.
Well that’s it for me.
Bus driver, master of Duck-fu… yes I’m all man.
So if you are in Portland and you see a driver with a top hat… don’t say hi just Quack and smile, I will know you are with me and together we will change this quacking world.
Monday, July 26, 2010 at 7:21PM 
